All Apologies

Sorry for all the melancholia yesterday.

What can I say? I was bummin'

And to think, the day started off so well. I saw a hummingbird in my back yard!

Maybe that was a bad sign. The hummingbird of depression?

I read part of it all the way through

The above quote is from Samuel Goldwyn. It means I finished reading that accursed book!

Well, not entirely. I bailed out with about 30 pages to go (the overly long epilogue). I suffered my way through, and boy was it not worth it!

Now that I can return this book to my co-worker in good conscience, I have to decide what I'm going to read next. It's more difficult than usuall because I really want to wash the taste of that book out of my brain.

Poem of the Day

Balances

in life
one is always
balancing

like we juggle our mothers
against our fathers

or one teacher
against another
(only to balance our grade average)

3 grains of salt
to one ounce truth

our sweet black essence
or the funky honkie down the street

and lately i've been wondering
if you're trying to tell me something

we used to talk all night
and do things alone together

and i've begun
(as a reaction to a feeling)
to balance
the pleasure of loneliness
against the pain
of loving you

-- Nikki Giovanni


*Thanks to feministe

What Do You Do

What do you do with someone who tells you what you want to hear instead of what they really think?

What if this person is very close to you?

What if you've made major decisions based on what this person has told you, only to find out later what they said wasn't really the truth?

Why can't people just be honest? Why can't they realize that hurting my feelings now is a lot less painful than hurting me really badly months or years later?

Why is it so hard for some people to just be honest? Telling someone a half truth or lying to them so they'll feel better is still lying.

Is this person manipulative? Deluding themselves? Trying to fool me? What do they gain from telling me complete and utter bullshit just because they think I'll like that better than the truth?

Some things can't be undone. Some decisions can't be unmade. People you supposedly care about deserve the whole truth.

Otherwise, they'll wake up one day and realize that their entire relationship with you has been a lie.

So, I May Be Feeling

...A little *too* proud of myself. But, after a truly inordinant amount of time, I finally succeeded in changing my blog template to a cool, non-Blogger one!

(Yay! Isn't it gorgeous? I got it from anti-ivy.com)

I know it's not *that* big a deal, but I've been wanting to do it for a while and putting it off because I've been too intimidated by the idea.

Here's a hint for all you programming neanderthals out there like yours truly: read the directions. Once I actually sat down and read the help at the site, everything went a *lot* faster.

Of course, now that I've done it, I'm not so sure I like it...

Oh, well. At least the next time will be easier, right?

My new favorite song

It's not really 'new.' It's from De La Soul's 2004 album ("The Grind Date").
Yeah, I didn't know they were still making records, either. The song is called "Rock Co. Kane Flow" and it is very, very good. I highly recommend taking a listen.

The 'I Make the Rules' Friday Random 10

10. XTC -- Garden of Earthly Delights
I've spoken before about my XTC love. So I guess there's not much left to say.

9. Electronic -- Get the Message
Back in college, I had a friend who bought this entire CD. I recorded (onto cassette) two of my favorite songs. This was one of them. It's not quite as earth-shattering to me now (could it be?), but it's still a pretty good song.

8. The Fugees -- Recharge
I bought this CD back in the day on the strength of "Vocab" and "Nappy Heads." I thought the rest of the disc was just okay. Now when I listen to it again, my original review still stands, but now it also sounds 'old' -- almost primitive. Ah, back in the day...

7. Madonna -- Nobody's Perfect
I didn't really start buying Madonna albums until the '90s with "Ray of Light." This song is from "Music" which is also a pretty good disc. Except for this song, which kind of sucks.

8. Mark Snow -- The X-Files Theme
Yes. Again

6. Beck -- E-Pro
Beck is Back (well, at least he was last year). I have the majority of his albums and I usually like them. This is a good song, though, no matter how you look at it.

5. Outkast/Big Boi -- The Way You Move
I liked this two-CD set (Speakerboxx/The Love Below) a lot more than I thought I would. I liked Big Boi's disc waaay more than I thought I would. This was one of the big radio songs, but I'm not entirely sick of it yet...

4. Big Audio Dynamite -- C'mon Every Beatbox
BAD doesn't get much respect. Sure, it's not what you'd expect from a former Clash-member, but so what? They make some damn fine, catchy pop songs (like this one). And there's nothin' wrong with that.

3. ABC -- One Better World
ABC are unjustly overlook, IMHO, and made some really good songs that hold up welll after all these years. This, unfortunately, isn't one of them...

2. Outkast/Big Boi -- Bust
Okay, after I spent all that time praising this CD, along comes this song, which is okay (and kind of spooky, in a way), but not that great and not one of my faves.

1. XTC -- One of the Millions
Okay, now this is getting ridiculous.

Because of all the repeat-song weirdness (I have nearly 3,000 songs on my MP3 player, I swear!), I'm going to add some more. And you can't stop me

.75  Santa Esmeralda -- Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood
From the "Kill Bill" soundtrack, this isn't a bad song, but it is about 6 minutes too long. I read somewhere that Nina Simone was very unhappy with The Animals' version of this song that was very personal to her. I wonder how she felt about this 10-minute disco version...

.50  Mike Doughty -- Looking at the World from the Bottom of a Well
This is such a good song, I couldn't resist. Apparently it was played on "Gray's Anatomy," but I like it 'cuz it's a great song from the Soul Coughing guy. I also got it free from amazon, but I'm not sure it's still available.

Like Drinking Poison

So I'm reading this book, Tantrika by Asra Nomani. After the first 10 pages or so, I discovered that I didn't want to read it.

Why am I still reading it, you ask? I feel *obligated* to read it because someone loaned it to me. Isn't that silly? Still, it feels like an assignment, like work.

Now I love to read. I discoverd a long time ago that life is too short and I have waaay to many books to force myself to read bad ones.

But here I am.

What's so bad about this book? Well, to start off with the author is quite self-centered and not very self-aware (either that or she's not a good memoirist) so she often comes off as spoiled, shallow and kind of dumb. The best parts of the book are when she's *not* talking about herself, i.e. stories about her family history in India. Unfortunately, she spends a lot of time talking about herself. A lot.

I have to think, 'she used to write for the Washington Post, so she's not an idiot.' But... Perhaps her strengths as a reporter aren't served by this personal form of writing. Plus, she could have used a good editor. Or maybe she really is just that shallow and uninteresting.

Oh, well. At least I'm down to less than 100 pages. I'm not sure I can make it, though. I could just give the book back to my co-worker and just wing it if she wants to get into some sort of in-depth discussion. Hey, it worked in high school!

The 'It's All Over the Map' Friday Random 10

1. Dwight Twilley -- Girls
I vaguely remember watching this video on Night Tracks or Friday Night Videos. It's a pretty good song, and it's got Tom Petty in it. But who the hell is Dwight Twilley?

2. Guided By Voices -- Teenage FBI
GBV is supposed to be one of those really underrated bands that should be really famous, but aren't. I've only heard a few of their songs, but I've liked every one. Like this one.

3. Ben Charest -- Easy, Bruno, Easy
Movie music from the soundtrack to "The Triplets of Belleville." I really only bought it for the "Belleville Rendez Vous" song, but some of the other music is pretty good. This one's got a jazzy, kind of easy listening vibe. Unfortunately, that's not so great on a Friday morning...

4. Radiohead -- The Gloaming
My MP3 player lists RH as 'art rock.' I always get a kick out of that (Rush better look out!). Anyway, I love Radiohead.

5. Kate Bush -- Wuthering Heights
This might have been my first Kate Bush song. It's overwrougt and bombastic, but it's not a bad song. I read "Wuthering Heights" in high school, BTW, but I don't remember a thing about it.

6. The Darkness -- I Believe in a Thing Called Love
I just loved this song when it came out. It's fun to try to sing along at such a high register. If I were to ever sing karaoke, I'd pick this song just so I could butcher it beyond recognition.

7. The Beastie Boys -- Root Down
God knoww, I love the Beasties, but I haven't bought an album since 'Ill Communication.' I just can't seem to listen to one all the way through. This song is okay. I mean it's pretty good, it just doesn't knock my socks off.

8. The Modern Lovers -- Roadrunner
The first time I ever heard this song I was in college in Boston, so I actually understood some of the Mass. references. It made me feel very special. The Modern Lovers are supposed to be one of those seminal bands, I think, but I've only ever heard this song. It's very good, though.

9. Sheryl Crow -- Tomorrow Never Dies
What can I say? I'm a sucker for a good James Bond theme song.

10. Paul Weller -- The Changing Man
I don't know much about Paul Weller, but everything I've heard of his I've really liked.

Today's word

Pleonasm: The use of more words than are required to express an idea.