Mel N. Collie

I was feeling better this morning (believe it or not, I think yesterday's blog-n-quiz frenzy actually helped), but now I'm back to feeling a little melancholy.

Why?

Who knows? Why not?

I'm locked in this eternal battle between who I am and who I want to be. How much of my wanting to be more outgoing, empathetic, confident, etc. is sort of a pathetic lost cause, like wanting to be taller or better looking, and how much of it is it actually worthy of the effort?

How much of myself do I really want change, anyway? Maybe I should spend more time trying to accept myself instead of change myself.

Or maybe that's just a cop-out. It seems like my whole life up until this point has been a cop-out. It has to be. Is this it? I mean, really? 14 years of school, and counting. 4 years in the Army. 7 years of marriage. 6 years in a thankless job all adds up to this moment in time? Me, sitting in front of a computer vaguely depressed, avoiding work because I don't feel appreciated, very little to look forward to, much to dread?

Man, if I felt gloomy before, now I'm really miserable!

That's a joke.